Reaping What I Sowed
by My-R Cullen
Summary: The road to forgiveness is a very long and strenuous one. Just ask Isabella Swan. AH. Warning: There are mentions of sexual and alcohol abuse and a character's death. ON HIATUS.
1. Prologue

~Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns. ~Bryant H. McGill

Epov:

I stared at my hands for far too long, studying all the lines and ridges as if I was pleading with them to speak to me, sympathize with me or still my raging heart beats, But no. My heart and mind were co-operating in an attempt to kill me.

I looked up to stare at yet another object. This time it was the sterile walls of the emergency room. They were so…..I couldn't even come up with a single adjective in this state of mind that I was thrust in this afternoon. Then my subconscious decided to make it worse by replaying today's events.

It was a very normal morning I woke up next to my wife, made love to her, had a shower, went to the garage and then..., I got that fateful phone call from the hospital.

Back to today's morning, I reminiscenced about the softness of the skin on her cheeks and how it felt against my lips. Her natural scent hit my senses even before I opened my eyes to find her smiling down at me. She had been doing this frequently lately. I leaned down to smell her soft hair and started to make love to her.

Deserting my memory lane, I turned to the clock hanging above the wall I had been fascinated with for almost an hour now. It had been three hours and still nobody cared enough to tell me what was happening. As if on cue, the doctors still in scrubs walked over to where I was sitting stiffly. I rose up, not appreciating the grim expression he was wearing now.

"Mr. Masen?" asked the doctor.

"Yes. How is my wife? Is she alright? What about.." I rambled non-stop until the doctor lowered his eyes to the ground and mumbled the two words I have been dreading.

"I am sorry Mr. Masen. We have done all that we could do for her. But the impact of the accident was too strong for her body to handle, specially for someone in her case."

"What you mean she couldn't handle it?" I chocked at my voice. The tears yet would have to make an appearance anytime now.

"No, she is strong enough to handle anything." I continued.

"We tried all we could, sir. I am very sorry for your loss" he said as if he actually meant it." I know this is not the most appropriate time but the police really needs to talk to you". Then, he walked away.

I dragged my feet, running after him." What about the baby?" I asked with gripping fear.

"He didn't make it either", he said, leaving me paralyzed with people swirling around me.

The once noisy ER room turned silent. It was like somebody hit the mute button while watching an episode of Grey's anatomy. I know that show because she liked it.

The baby that would have made an appearance in a month was now long gone along with his mother.

My son, the flesh and blood that I helped create with the sweet angel that is now lying lifelessly on a cold operating table, was gone. The tiny little blip, that appeared on the sonogram letting us know that he existed, was gone.

Finally, my tears escaped from my tear ducts and rolled freely on my cheeks. My heart clenched as I slumped against the wall, whimpering my now- dead wife's name.

_Tanya._


	2. Chapter 1

~I can remember the frustration of not being able to talk. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get the words out, so I would just scream. ~ Temple Grandin. 

Bpov:

"Yes, mother I will be there at exactly 9:00 pm.", I said for the hundredth time today.

See, my husband Michael Newton was a big time lawyer here in Chicago. He just made some victory in a murder case, defending economic giant, Aro Volturi's son, Caius. Hence, Aro decided to celebrate Michael's success. And being the good wife that I am, I am required to attend the big dinner The Volturi's were hosting in their mansion as well. Needless to say I was supposed to look my best. That's where my mother, Renee Swan, one of Chicago socialites, came in.

Renee Daniels was once a bright eyed college student, who was enthralled when she heard a young Charlie Swan, practicing a speech with a friend in a café near campus. His big dreams of becoming a senator one day were what convinced Clark Daniels, Renee's over protective father to allow his only daughter to marry this young man, merely 2 years after they started dating. A year later, I made my way into life, screaming at the top of my lungs amongst the cheers of the doctors and nursing staff, who thought I wouldn't make it after serious complications in mum's third trimester, leading her to perpetually be a mother to an only child.

My mother's shrill voice brrought me back to reality. "Alright mother. I have everything I need and I will be there early." I said, hoping she would stop babbling. I finished the phone call and headed to the reception desk in the doctor's clinic I had been visiting religiously for the past six months.

"Excuse me, but I am in a hurry. How long do I have to wait to see Dr. Banner", I asked politely, trying not to sound impatient even though I was.

"Only about fifteem minutes Mrs. Newton", the nurse whose tag read "Lauren" said.

I huffed and returned to my seat next to a very pregnant woman.

True to her words, fifteen minutes later "Lauren" called my name and ushered me inside the doctor's office. Dr. Banner smiled when he saw me and shook my hands gently.

"How are you today, Mrs. Newton", he asked, wearing the same hopeful smile.

"Dr. Banner, I have told you time and time again that you can call me Bella", I smirked at him. "And I am fine. But I will be much better if you give me some good news".

He grabbed a folder from his desk and opened it.

"You have nothing to worry about. Your test results clearly show that there is nothing wrong with you. Your hormonal glands are okay and so are your ovaries."

"Then why am I not pregnant then?" I said exasperatedly.

"I see no reason as to why you shouldn't get pregnant," But some people could take years to have children. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with them," he explained.

"Years? I have been married for 3 years Dr. Banner. How much longer am I supposed to wait to be a mother?" I snapped.

Dr. Banner sighed and took off the glasses perched on his nose. I knew I was being a spoilt little girl who had to have that new doll and couldn't just wait till Christmas. But I couldn't help it.

I was one of those people who were born to nurture and love. That was my main reason of wanting to be a Kindergarten teacher. I loved these kids to death and now I was ready to have one of my own.

"I am sorry I snapped at you Dr. Banner but I am an only child as you know. I have longed for a baby even before I got married to Mike". Tears pooled in my eyes again.

"Bella you are only 24 years old. You have all the time in the world to have kids. You are healthy and so is your husband", he told me.

And that was the problem. I always felt like there is a dark cloud looming over my head without a tangible reason to feel that way. I was married to a good man, who loved me and was even more desperate than I was to have a child. My father was an eminent senator and my mother was a respectable woman. I had a good best friend, Jessica Stanley, whom I met in high school and remained friends with, even though she went to Jacksonville University while I stayed in Chicago to get my college degree at Northwestern. I was a kindergarten teacher in a prestigious private academy. As Jessica always said "I am living the American dream".

So why did I get that unsettling feeling, that remained a mystery.

"Thank you for your time, Dr. Banner", I tried to muster a smile but I was sure it came off as a grimace.

I walked out of the clinic feeling emptier than when I walked in. The idea of not being be able to give my husband a child frustrated me to no limit. After two and a half years of being married and still no baby, I became anxious. I talked to Mike about it and he suggested that I go see my doctor.

Suddenly, I felt a vibration in my purse. My blackberry announces that it was my dear husband who was calling me.

"Hi,sweetie."

"Hey, Bella. How did the appointment with Banner go?" he asked rather anxiously.

"There is nothing wrong, just like he expected. He said we just have to be patient."

"Ohh. Alright. Waiting. We could do that," I could already imagine his crestfallen expression.

"I gotta go now, honey. Jessica is calling me for a meeting".

"Okay. I will see you at home."

"About that, Bella", he stopped midway. "I have work to do. So I will meet you at the Volturi's. I will send the car to pick you up".

"Okay I guess, bye. I love you," I huffed annoyed.

"Love you too baby," And he hung up.

With a heavy heart, I dropped in the passenger seat of my car and headed towards home to get ready for tonight.


	3. Chapter 2

~Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust.~ Margery Allingham.

EPOV:

"You have got to stop man. You are gonna need to buy yourself a new liver by the end of the night."

I distinguished Tyler's voice among the grunts of the losers who came to this bar to drown their sorrows in whatever alcoholic drink they could get their hands on. The stale air acted like a helping hand to the process of getting hammered. The clanking sounds of glass reminded me that I needed to answer Tyler.

"Leave me alone, Ty. You know you don't have to baby-sit me or anything," I slurred, thanks to the 6 beer bottles I had had before he showed up, or was it 7? Anyways, I shoved his large hands, which had taken residence on my shoulder, away.

"I know I don't have to baby-sit your ass but I am worried about you. I mean, it has been a rough couple of days since…"

"Don't," I snarled at him, shifting in my seat to face him.

I looked at him to find the same look everybody had been giving me for the last 3 months; the pity swirling in his irises.

"I am sorry, man," he said.

"How about I get you home now so you can get some rest," and he pried the beer bottle from my iron grip.

I was about to snap at him but I stopped myself. He might be an annoying jerk, but he was probably the only person who gave a damn about me now.

But it wasn't always like that.

I had Tanya and our baby. I had my sisters-in-law, whom I haven't spoken to since the funeral. The funeral that I hadn't attended because I was busy crying my heart out in our apartment amongst our memories. The place pretty much held all of our memories together, like the time we had a fight because I was late for a dinner with her sisters, Kate and Irina, who came to Chicago to visit us. Or the time when she tried to cook an Indian curry but ended up burning it and cried over it. I remember laughing till my stomach hurt, but when I heard her sniffling, I stopped, took her in my arms, and kissed her long blonde hair. We had ended up going out for pizza that night.

The sound of cars on the street brought me out of my reverie. I looked around to find myself standing outside the bar, with Tyler tugging on my leather jacket to keep me moving towards his truck.

Dragging my sneakers clad feet, I stumbled into the passenger seat, closing the door with a thud. Tyler put the key into the ignition and get us the hell out of there.

My head was swimming in thought, which didn't help if your head was also pounding and you could barely see.

We spent most of the ride in silence, except for the part when Tyler turns on the radio and "Goodbye, my lover" blasted through the sound system. Safe to say Tyler turned off the radio somberly.

See, what I like about Tyler is that he didn't hover. I had enough people doing that for the past three months, advising me that drinking wouldn't make the pain go away. I snorted mentally at the thought. I was _not_ an idiot. I already knew that alcohol wouldn't make Tanya's face leave my mind. It was too much engraved, like a blueprint in my head. What they _didn't _ know is that drinking myself into oblivion numbed the pain. Seeking refuge from my inner turmoil, I had taken to drinking any kind of alcoholic drinks; beer , Vodka, Gin and Tonic, and even the bottle of Red Wine Tanya bought when she was 12 weeks along and craved wine so she bought this bottle for when she was allowed to drink again after our baby boy was born.

Our baby boy.

The same pain that had shred through me was making an appearance once again tonight. The clench in my heart, the clenching of my jaws, the stinging in my eyes; I was used to them now. They were my faithful companions in my lonely days and nights. The choking feeling rose in my throat as I rolled down the window beside me. Fresh, cold air whipped past my face as if it was slapping me to wake me up from a stupor that had gone on for too long.

I glanced momentarily outside the window and saw water drops gracefully descended on the cold glass. It was raining but not heavily, just the way I liked it.

When I was a kid I would stick my nose to the cold glass and exhale to create water vapor and then I would write my name on it. My mom always scolded me, saying that there were germs everywhere and they might end up in my body because of my childish acts. Don't get me wrong. My mom wasn't a cruel person, but she was a wee bit of a lunatic. At least that's what I remember about her since she died along with my dad in a car accident when I was 11. That's how I wound up in foster homes until I turned 18. In retrospect, my green eyes weren't the only thing I got from her. She passed on her OCD tendencies to me as well.

Despite my groggy state, I could see the sideways glances Tyler had been giving me every couple of minutes. My attention was once again turned to the window, and I instantly forgot my trip down the memory lane. That's when I saw it; Humboldt Park.

It had always been Tanya's favorite place in all of Chicago.

"Stop the car," I yelled at Tyler through gritted teeth.

"Do you wanna throw up or something?" Tyler asked anxiously. This truck was his baby.

"No. Just stop the fucking car," I roared at him.

"Alright alright. Just calm down."

The truck skidded to a stop and I slammed the passenger door behind me after jumping out.

"Edward, where the hell are you going now?" I heard him say as he trailed behind me.

Suddenly, I felt his hand on my arm, pulling me in his direction. This time I didn't succumb to his attempts to drag me home to 'get a goodnight's sleep'.

"You are drunk, man. I can't just leave you alone," he said.

"Well, I am alone now. I might as well get used to it," I threw at him.

Ignoring him, I turned on my heel and stumble into the dark park.

I could barely see my own hands in the dark but I kept on walking, smelling the autumn air, which reminded me of Tanya's natural scent. She always smelt like mist on a winter morning.

I let my mind wander to the last time we made love; it was the morning she died and her scent surrounded me as I leaned down to capture her lips in a kiss. My hands wandered over her curves until it came to rest on her large baby bump. Her moans urged me further but the biggest encouragement came when she touched my member. In record time, I found myself pushing into her, gazing at her in the sunlight. Minutes later we reached climax together and stayed in bed for additional ten minutes just cuddling, our hands entwined over the place where our child had been thriving for 8 months.

A loud sob escaped my lips as my hands clamped over my mouth trying to stifle them, the way my child was stifled. I found myself leaning on a tree, rocking back and forth for God knows how long. Suddenly, the memories I had been trying to suppress for 4 days now returned with a vengeance. Vivid pictures of the trial conjured up in my head as the sobs continued to wreck havoc in me. I could still see the smug smile the Volturi's wore the entire time, while their lawyer, Michael Newton, painted my wife as the idiot who dared cross the street in front of Caius Volturi's car. I was surprised that they didn't sue me for the blood splattered on the paint of the car!

Eventually, the son got away with a four year sentence only with the chance of parole after he did half the time because his highness reported the accident to the police 2 hours after it happened (obviously an advice he got from Newton). It didn't matter that he had fled the scene or that he was driving at full speed in a populated area. I mean, he hired the biggest lawyer in Chicago while I hired my old friend, Garret Smart. But I couldn't blame Garret, he did his best. He tried to find witnesses but unfortunately no one came forward to report.

I reached a hand into my pockets to get the golden locket that never left Tanya's neck until the day she died. It was a round locket with leaves engraved on the front part while on the back of it there was a quote saying "You were a delicate rose, Pale red in the summer air, and I was the atmosphere, breathing in its scent". The locket opened to two opposite empty spaces to be filled with pictures of loved ones. Tanya insisted we wait until we have kids before she put pictures inside it. Until then she wore it empty. I recalled giving it to her on our first wedding anniversary. I saw it for the first time in the window of the antique store in front of the garage I used to work at. The moment I touched it, I knew it had to be placed on Tanya's graceful neck. I remembered it was a little pricey back then, but it was worth seeing her smile.

My head now throbbed and I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness, the last thing on my mind was Newton's smug smile.

What seemed like ages later, I heard a sweet voice, asking me if I was okay. I struggled to open my eyes but when I do, I see pools of dark chocolate staring back at me.

BPOV:

"Come on, Gunner. It is 10:30 now," I begged our dog.

Our lovely German shepherd decided he wanted do his business now?

Gunner howled at me nuzzling his nose into my hand. Begrudingly, I left the comfort of the leather couch in our living room and headed to the bedroom to change out of the peach colored dress I had planned on wearing out to dinner with Michael. Of course, we didn't actually make it to dinner, because he called, apologizing profusely due to some deadline for one of his big cases.

Within ten minutes I put on my Nikes and a denim jacket in case the fall breeze decided to bite. Gunner was so excited that he brought me his leash between his teeth. Grabbing my keys, I headed out of the door being led by my dog.

As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk, heading to the park, a sense of frustration filled me as I remembered my lunch with my parents.

_I arrived slightly late at the French restaurant my parents always chose. If there was one thing my parents never tolerated, it was tardiness. I easily spotted my mom's immaculate short brown bob, sitting in a small table with my dad in a corner. _

"_Hey, guys," I greeted them as I give both of them a hug._

"_Isabella, can you tell me what time is it?" my dad asked with a frown._

_Isabella._

_The name designated for scolding me._

_God I hated it._

"_I know. I am late. I am so sorry but I was grading some spelling tests at home and I didn't look at the…"_

"_There is no excuse to being late, young lady" my mom cut me off._

_I guess it was time to turn on my puppy eyes._

_My dad opened his mouth but is interrupted by the waiter asking us if we were ready to order. After jotting down our orders, he moved beside to pour me some White Wine._

_I sipped at it slowly, my mind starting to drift to Michael until my mom noticed and called my name._

"_Darling, are you okay?" she asked in her sweetest voice as she tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear._

"_I am fine, mum. I am just thinking," I said unconvincingly as I feigned interest in the plies of my white sundress._

"_Is everything okay with you and Michael?" my dad participated in the conversation._

"_Yes. We are good," I trailed off for a second." Michael is good"_

"_Are you still having trouble with having a baby."_

"_We are not having troubles," I grunted loudly, earning a lifted eye brow from my dad._

"_Dr. Banner says we are both healthy and it is just a matter of time," I added._

"_Then what is on your mind, sweatheart?" dad was luring answers out of me by calling me by my favorite nickname._

"_It is just that…Michael has been working a lot lately and I started to feel lonely. I mean two weeks ago, he bailed out on me after we agreed to have lunch with Jessica and her new boyfriend, Laurent," I whine pettily as I recalled how he worked the entire day into the night leaving me to sulk in our bed. When he came home, he found me half asleep in our bedroom. In a matter of minutes, he shed his clothes, crawled under the covers and pressed himself to me. He called my name, asking me if I was asleep. I had finally woken up at that point. He asked if I was upset with him, so I said yes. He kissed the nape of my neck, saying "I am sorry baby boo. I had work to do," When I didn't respond, his hands were already under my black night gown and kissing my exposed shoulder feverishly. That was Michael's solution to everythin._

_sex._

"_Your husband is a hard working man, Isabella. You should respect that," dad reiterated sternly._

"_I do respect that, dad. But what about me? When am I ever gonna come first to him?" I asked petulantly._

"_What are you talking about? Of course you mean so much to him. Why would he marry if he didn't care about you?" mom, the ever defendant of Michael's, narrowed her eye at me._

"_I know he loves me. But I am talking about the fact that we don't spend time together anymore. Some times I feel invisible to him."_

"_You are imagining things, darling. But I assure that as once you become pregnant, you will feel more cherished as ever. Men tend to mellow at the sight of their wives barefoot and pregnant." Mom winked at me, then smiled at my dad._

"_Your mother is right, Isabella. Just think of your bright future with your successful husband and your baby to be. And concentrate on bringing me a grandchild, okay?" my dad said with a smile._

_And I feigned a smile as well._

As the memory disappeared, I found myself already inside the park, with Gunner pulling me eagerly towards a lane of trees that looked deserted. I waited for him to finish his business as I decided to call Michael to ask him when he is coming home. I bring out my cell phone and dialled Michael's number. It went straight to voice mail.

Great.

When I was done with the unanswered phone call, I turned to see if Gunner was done as well to find that he had disappeared.

"Gunner? Sweetie, come to mummy. It's so dark I can't see you."

Ughhhhhhh

I walked towards a trail of trees, calling out his name.

Shit.

I almost slipped on the yellow leaves adorning the ground and sweat started to gather at my brow as panic hit me.

What if I couldn't find him in the darkness?

"Gunner?"

That's when I heard a faint howling. I tried to follow the sound, but it was difficult.

Carefully walking between the trees, my foot kicked something and a moan was heard in the dark.

Clutching my chest, I grabbed my phone and tried to light up the area at my feet.

Then I saw sneakers.

A man's sneakers in particular.

I trailed the light of the phone's screen towards the man's face and I couldn't help but stare for a moment.

He was handsome.

Not in an all American way, like my blue eyed, brown haired husband.

No.

He had sculpted jaw, pale complexion, long brown lashes and the oddest color of hair. It was bronze with hints of red at the tips. Even in the dark, I can see how messed his hair, like he had a hard time taming it.

There was only one thing marring his handsome features.

The expression of pain which contorted on his face.

I began to regain my senses and stopped ogling the man in front of me.

What was he doing here?

With shaky hands, I poked his shoulder.

"Sir, are you okay?"

"Sir"

"Are you okay? Do you need medical assistance?"

He stirred for a moment and the next thing I knew is that I was looking into a sea of Emerald.

It was his eyes.


	4. Chapter 3

"Self abandoned, relaxed and effortless, I seemed to have laid me down in the dried-up bed of a great river; I heard a flood loosened in remote mountains, I felt the torrent come; to rise I had no will, to flee I had no strength." Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre.

EPOV:

I opened my eyes to see a brunette gazing down at me. I was still groggy and my vision was blurry but I could make out the anxiety etched on her face. With much difficulty, I tried to stand up but to no avail.

"Do you need help, sir?"

I looked at her again like an idiot, trying to come up with something to say, but all the beer I had tonight had rendered me speechless.

"Umm…," was my intelligent answer.

She reached her hand out for me and for a full minute I stared at it, not knowing what to do with it. Finally, I reached out for her and she gripped my hand, pulling me up to a standing position. Once I stood up, I noticed how small she was. Her head barely reached my shoulder.

Tanya was very leggy in comparison to the little brunette in front of me.

My heart shuddered at the memory of my deceased wife.

"Are you alright, sir?" she asked for the hundredth time.

"I am okay," I slurred.

She looked unconvinced.

"Do you have anyone to get you home?"

"No. I have no one." My tone was laced with bitterness and agony.

I tried to step back away from her but I ended up tumbling over my feet, hitting the back of my head against the bark of a tree behind me.

"Oh my God," shrieked the little brunette as she gripped my forearm to keep me from falling.

"You can't even stand on your own!" she exclaimed.

"What am I gonna do with you now?" murmured the little person who was currently keeping me from falling on my ass.

Suddenly a flash of brown passes before us and stops at our feet. It was a dog with a leash between his teeth.

"Good boy, Gunner." She cooed at the dog. Then she stood closer and resumed her position by my side, leaving a whiff of her natural scent close to my nostrils.

_She smelled really good._

_Tanya used to smell good too.  
><em>

A shiver ran down my spine as the loving memory of my dead wife flashed through my mind once again.

"Do you have someone I can call for you, sir?" Her voice broke me out of my reverie.

"Umm..Tyler." I was sure it came out as a groan instead of a decent answer.

"Do you know his number?"

"I don't know. It ends with 524?"

Her left eyebrow almost met her hairline when she looked at me.

"Okay, let's try this again. Do you have your cell phone on you?"

"I don't know,"

I felt myself reel back and she tightened her tiny fist around my grey hoodie. She pushed me gently towards the tree and I felt her small hands gently disappear inside the right pocket of my hoodie. When it came out empty, she tried the other pocket as I realized that she was now very close to my body. Her scent filled my nostrils once again. I gazed down at her while she apologized about appropriateness and some other shit. Suddenly I felt something moving in my pants. I looked down to see her right hand deep inside my left pocket while her other hand sat still on my chest in an attempt to keep me from falling. Her tiny fist digged deeper in my pocket. This caused something else to move in my pants.

_Shit._

I knew she could feel my cock nudging her hand because she peeked at me through her eyelashes and, despite my grogginess, I could clearly see the flush in her cheeks as she moved her hand from my chest to my arm. In a flash, she had my cell phone in her hand, and she opened it, and scrolled loudly for Tyler.

"Aha !" she stated as if she had just found the holy grail, not just Tyler Crowley's number.

The mysterious brunette then cradled my phone to her ear as her long forgotten dog barked at me.

"Shush, Gunner**.**" She gave him the stink eye.

"Hello. Is this Tyler? Um, I have an intoxicated man here in Humboldt Park. What's your name?" She pushed my cell phone against her chest to muffle the sound as she asked me for my name and for a second there I imagined what it would be like if it was my face that was against her chest.

"Are you blacking out or something?" she asked, her face contorted into an anxious expression when I remembered that she asked me a question.

"Edward."

She picked up my phone and started talking again but I couldn't hear anything. My eyes were fixated on her face, slowly making a trail down her neck and the visual journey ended at her breasts. Her denim jacket was covering most of her chest but the bustier cut of her top, whose color I couldn't figure out because of the darkness, pushed her breasts up and I could see them slightly spilling out of the dress.

_Tanya's breasts were soft and her nipples always perked at my attention._

Why the hell was I thinking of my dead wife's tits when I was looking at another woman's? Why was I even fantasizing about this stranger's assets in the first place?

I felt disgusted at myself but I didn't get a chance at some deserved self-lament because the little brunette lifted my arm around her shoulder, tucked my now closed cell phone in my hoodie, wrapped her arm around my torso and starts walking slowly.

"Come on, Gunner. We are going home, baby."

The dog's ears perked up at his owner's orders and ran in front of us as if he was checking the road for us. Then it hit me that I didn't even know her name.

"What's your name?"

"Bella," she whispered.

"Where are you taking me?" At this point I didn't really care where I was going but I felt compelled to ask.

"My house. Your friend is coming to pick you up from there," she added "It isn't very far from here. Only about fifteen minutes from the park."

I didn't even bother to answer. Instead I contented myself with watching the woman who was half carrying me. Moments later, we were out of the dark part of the park and I could see the moonlight at last. I look down at the little brunette, who is apparently lost in thought herself. I took it as an opportunity to really see her. Her skin was porcelain like a china doll, her lips seemed to form a pout on their own, and her dark brown tresses acted like a curtain, partially shielding her face from my sight.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't even notice the dog strutting in front of us, occasionally running around in circles with his leash in his mouth in a pitiful attempt at grabbing his owner's attention. So it wasn't such a great surprise when a couple minutes later we came to a stop in front of a beautiful white Victorian style house. The place looks impeccable with the little shrubs surrounding the perimeter of the house, the perfectly manicured lawn, the massive garage to the side of the house and the mini fountain that stands gracefully to the side of the driveway.

"Where is your friend?" she grabed my attention by pulling on the arm that was draped on her tiny shoulders. Too bad I was too far gone to respond.

"This is stupid and irresponsible, but I guess there is no harm in you, right?" I was not even sure she was talking to me.

I felt us moving again and climbing the stairs to the door. However, supporting my 6 ft frame and opening the front door to her house seemed a little too troublesome to her.

"You know what? Forget it. We will just go through the back door," and she was back to holding conversations with her self.

She dragged me to the back door and opened it easily.

"Great, I forgot to close the back door again. Mike will have a field day with this." Her voice was sweet but I wished she would just stop with the incessant babbling. My head was about to explode and I didn't need her ramblings right now. I mean her dog's barking had me on the brink of insanity already.

We were about to enter the house when her damned dog decided to play race with us, causing me to lose my already precarious balance and I tumbled forward, trapping Bella between my body and the wall. Thankfully, she took control of the situation and gently lifted me off of her, guiding me towards one of the kitchen chairs. As if gravity was working doubly hard, my head leaned down on the cold granite of the kitchen island, immediately cooling down my throbbing temples. It didn't take long for unconsciousness to claim its hold on me once again.

For what seemed like hours later, I heard the unmistakable voice of Tyler, attempting to rouse me from my stupor. With much difficulty, I opened my eyes, letting it linger on Bella's hazy form. "Let's go, man. You have had a rough night."

His large hands gripped me tightly as he pulled me to a standing position. We finally hobbled to the door when Tyler stops.

"Thank you, ma'am for taking care of him. Who knows what would have happened to him if you haven't found him." Tyler completed his sentence by throwing me a pitiful look.

"No problem at all. Just…" her voice faltered "Just keep an eye on him. He looks like he needs someone to take care of him."

My protest at her statement came out in the form of a half groan and a half moan.

"I will. Well, it was nice to meet you Miss…?"

She raised her hand to shake Tyler's while her other hand tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

That's when I saw it.

A wedding ring.

Why hadn't I seen the ring on her finger this entire time?

"Mrs. Bella Newton."

_She was married?_

The epiphany nagged at me. However, the idea of that woman, who caused my first erection since my wife's death, being married wasn't what troubled me the most. Her name ringed a bell but in my drunkenness it was hard to extract any kind of information from my foggy brain.

_Did I know her from somewhere before?_

My inner monologue was interrupted when I heard my name called.

"Goodbye, Edward," she said, with sympathy not pity.

At that point, I was already out cold for the hundredth time this evening. I had no recollection as to how I got home that night. But I did dream of Tanya's murder, the trial and a certain brunette.


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No surprise there, right ? :D**

**A/N : I am so sorry for the delay but my life was taken over by that damned project. Ughhhhhh Thank God I handed it in yesterday !**

**I also won't be able to update for at least a month because my finals start next Monday and I will be done by the 23rd. **

**Enough of the rambling :D I give you Bella :D**

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><p>BPov:<p>

Those who expect moments of change to be comfortable and free of conflict have not learned their history. ~Joan Wallach Scott

The rain pelted heavily against the window panes in my classroom. The echo of the each drop's collision with the glass seemed to put me in a bad mood. I tried to shake off the feeling, but that was easier said than done. Most of the children either wanted to go out and play in the rain or were scared shitless of the pouring sound of it. I even had a fellow colleague, Charlotte, come into the class to help me with the little monsters that were all over the place. Despite my irritability, I still couldn't find it in me to scream at them to settle down, especially when little Maggie Pierce clung to my leg like a raft in a river when she heard the thunder.

"Calm down, sweetie, it is just a little rain." I patted her back and tried my best to soothe her but to no avail. Her tiny fists grasped my black pants and her tear ducts didn't seem to close. I huffed and picked her up. Then I held her close to me and ran my hands through her long blond hair. She stopped crying eventually but I couldn't put her down on the little red mat next to her now napping peers in fear I would start crying. All I could think at the time was that I wanted one of those, tantrums and all.

_Just one teeny tiny baby. _

Was I asking for too much?

The stinging in my eyes was threatening to release a dam of repressed tears. I was alerted to the fact that I couldn't cry now by Charlotte's voice, asking me to hand her little Maggie so she could put her down to a nap. After relinquishing Maggie over to Charlotte I made a beeline to the bathroom. Once I made it to the secure confines of a lonely stall, I let it all out. Clamping my hands over my mouth didn't seem to deter the sobs from escaping my mouth. I didn't even know why I was crying.

Was it because Maggie reminded me that I am childless?

Was it because I was frustrated with my life?

Or maybe, just maybe it had to do with the stranger I ran into at the park last night?

My heart did a little dance at the mere memory of the broken man I found last night. I didn't know his story, but I wanted to. My body didn't escape his influence on me either. My skin tingled whenever I remembered what his muscles felt like under his hoodie. Or when I put my hands inside his pants.

_And cue the tingling sensation in my lady parts_.

I couldn't understand why his presence or memory affected me so much. I have been married for two years and I saw a lot of handsome men almost everyday, whether they were parents of my little students, friends of Michael, or just merely strangers on the street. But I had never felt attracted to any of them. I hadn't even given any of them a second thought.

Then I meet this mysterious man passed out in a park and my mind just wouldn't stop conjuring up a picture of him every five seconds.

I leaned my head back against the door of the stall as I remembered the previous night.

_After Edward and his friend left, I closed the door and headed to the fridge. I pulled out a bottle of white wine and a glass and headed upstairs. I headed to the bathroom, attached to my bedroom. I sat on the edge of the tub, adjusted the water temperature and waited till it almost filled the tub. Once I was settled in the tub, sipping on my wine, I began to reflect on the Greek God, who had been napping in my kitchen only minutes before._

_I found myself pondering upon the secret behind him. What was he doing drunk and passed out at the park? What about the ring on his finger? If he was married, why didn't he ask me to call his wife instead of his friend? Were they going through a rough patch or something?_

_Yes, that's the reason. His beard and rugged look didn't escape my notice. Also, sadness filled his green orbs till they overflowed reaching the rest of his face. Every bit of him screamed anguish, but also handsome as well._

_All sorts of theories swirled in my head until the biggest question of them all suddenly occurred to me; why was I thinking about this man in the first place? I am a married woman for God's sake!_

_I was broken out of my stupor by something furry nuzzling at my hand. I looked up to see Gunner standing next to the tub, lapping up at the now cold water._

"_Are you thirsty, baby?" I cooed at him and he answered my inquiry by turning his puppy eyes on me._

"_All right. Let me get out of the tub and we will get you something to eat too."_

_Wrapped in a towel, I padded down the stairs, followed by Gunner. In five minutes, he was busy with his food and water that he didn't even notice that I went back upstairs._

_I was drying myself when I heard the clock chiming, announcing that it was 1:00 a.m._

"_Why isn't Michael home yet?" I asked loudly, to no one in particular._

_I was about to get my phone from the nightstand when I heard the sound of his car in the driveway. Moments later, I heard the sound of his feet on the stairs. In the meantime, I was dressed and sitting on the comforter, waiting for him._

"_Where have you been till now?"_

"_Jesus, Bella. You scared me," he retorted. _

"_Where have you been, Michael?"_

"_Working, obviously." He was taking his clothes off, with his back turned towards me._

"_Till 1:00 in the morning?" I asked with a lifted eyebrow. His cool attitude was starting to annoy me._

"_Yes, sweetie," he said with a strained voice and I could tell he was struggling with the term of endearment. "I am a lawyer, Bella, not a kindergarten teacher. My working hours are not specified in a book and sometimes I have to work late."_

_That stung. I know that I was hardly saving lives, but my job was important to me and his blatant disregard to my feelings towards this subject had always annoyed me. Even my parents thought it wasn't worth it. "Why work, honey when you can just sit at home and enjoy yourself while your husband supports you," they have always told me._

"_I know that you are a lawyer and that the world wouldn't be the same without you, but I would have appreciated it if you could have called your wife to tell her that you would be late, again."_

_That being said, I was already under the covers._

"_Bella," he groaned._

_Then I felt his naked chest against my t-shirt clad back. His arms wound around me with his breath tickling my ear._

"_I don't wanna pick a fight with you, sweetheart. I am sorry I didn't call, but I was swamped with documents and stuff. I wouldn't have even made it home if it wasn't for Jessica who reminded me that it was getting late," he said in a low voice._

"_Whatever, Michael," I huffed exasperatedly._

"_So, you are not upset anymore?" his hands snaked inside my t-shirt and made a journey towards my breasts._

"_It doesn't matter now. Good night."_

"_But I really wanna make it up to you now. Don't you want to make that baby, baby?" he whispered in a very non sexy voice. _

"_Not tonight. I am really tired." I tried to pry his hands off of my breasts._

"_Fine, whatever suits you. And Bella?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Why are you awake till now? Don't you have work in the morning?"_

"_Umm…yeah but Gunner needed to be taken for a walk." _

"_Alright. Good night,"_

_Should I tell him about Edward?_

"_Michael."_

"_Mhmm"_

"_Nothing. Good night," I was determined to keep that one little secret to myself._

"Bella," a voice that sounded like Charlotte called me form outside the bathroom stall.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You were gone for a long time so I came to check on you."

I glanced at my watch and it was indeed half an hour since I left the classroom. Removing all traces of tears from my eyes, I made it out of the stall to find Charlotte standing near the door.

"I am fine. I just had a bit of a stomachache. I think it is just my period," I told her pathetically.

"Okay. Well, we need you back now. Parents have started to arrive to pick up the kids."

She gave me one last look, that screamed "I am sorry for you" and turned on her heels back to the classroom.

For the next couple of days, everything seemed normal. Life was okay, not good but okay. I fell into a routine of going to work, coming home to an empty house, cooking dinner for myself (except that day which Michael surprised me and came home in time for dinner) and going to sleep, with a glimmer of hope for a change.

Michael had been wary of me ever since that night. He seemed to tiptoe around me whenever he was home, in fear that I would be ticked off for any reason. And he actually made an effort to let me know whether he was coming home early or not. Well, he made Jessica call me, but it was the thought that counts, right?

I tried to drive myself out of that hole of despondency that I had fallen into. I went to see my parents after school and I went shopping with Jessica. She called one night to complain that we hadn't seen each other in forever. Initially, I was reluctant to go out with her. Jessica was my best friend and I loved her. And even though we have known each other for years, she still didn't understand me sometimes. Her usual cheerfulness that usually brightened up my day now irked me to no end. I even contemplated talking with my mum, but I knew she wouldn't grasp the situation. Eventually, I ended up going shopping with Jessica.

We had lunch and did some shopping. For a while there, I actually enjoyed myself and forgot about all my troubles. However, I reverted to my old self when I was about to go home. I said goodbye to Jess, gave her a hug and tried hard not to let the tears escape the brink of my eyes. I drove home in silence when I spied a strange car outside my driveway.

_Whose car is that?_

I got out of the car, trepidation apparent in my steps. I saw a figure, sitting on my doorstep. When I got closer, I saw a familiar mass of bronze locks glittering in the remaining sun rays in the sky. I knew instantly who it was before he lifted his face from his hunched position.

"Edward," I whispered to myself as if I was trying to keep him a secret even from the air around us.

Then a stupid smile made its way to my face.

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><p><strong>Oh Edward :$:$<strong>

**Reviews are like Sparknotes before a novel exam . Please leave me some, I am in dire need of them :D**

**Here are two of the fics which I am reading now and they own me :)**

**Dear Maggie :**

**A heart leads Bella back home to Forks... and to the brother of the woman who donated it. M for Lemons/OOC/Language.**

**.net/s/7179931/1/**

**The Slowest Burn :**

**360 : He took my underwear, hung them from his back pocket, then said, "These are mine." - AH, E/B, Lemons.**

**.net/s/7076900/1/The_Slowest_Burn**


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except those kick ass pair of pants I just bought in the sale :D**

**I am a horrible person, I know. I apologize for not updating for so long but I was having my finals and they sucked ! This chapter was written about a month ago but some stuff happened and only today it was ready to be posted. **

**And I have good news :) I have a new pre-reader. So hopefully I will be able to update more regularly. So you have to thank my new prereader"Impressed" and my amazing beta "Ninmessara" for that :)**

**Last time I was in so much hurry that I forgot to mention that one of my very favorite authors is reading my story ! Yeah, I freaked out too. No pressure there at all.**

**Thanks to those who read, reviewed or favorited my story. You are the best !  
><strong>

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><p>When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran<p>

EPov:

Was I hit with metal pipes, kicked in the gut then thrown in front of a speeding bus? Cause that's sure what it felt like right now.

My head throbbed so much that my eyes were glazed. I couldn't see anything clearly. Everything was hazy and I had to squint to make out the digital numbers in the digital clock next to my bed.

I was in bed?

How did I get here?

Last thing I remembered was running out of Tyler's truck and going into the park. I kept stumbling between lanes of trees inside the park. I got tired so I squatted down next to a tree and dozed off.

How the hell did I end up in my bed then?

"Rise and shine, Eddie"

Tyler stood by my bedroom door in his usual Cubs hat, jeans and plaid shirt.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Well, it is four pm now so you have been asleep for over 12 hours."

_Shit!_

"Umm. How did I get to bed?" I asked with a raspy voice.

"I picked you up from that chick's house in the middle of the night. I don't know why you didn't stay the night with her. I know that I would have loved to, if you know what I mean," and he winked.

Typical Tyler.

Wait, a chick's house? What chick and how did I end up at her house? Did I get drunk and sleep with some girl from the bar?

Did I cheat on my Tanya?

My heart almost skidded to a stop when the thought swirled in my head. I slept with a random girl when it hadn't been more than three months since I buried my wife and child.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Are you passing out again, man? Your face looks so blanched. Are you okay?" a concerned voice broke my stupor.

"Who was that woman, Tyler?" I asked in a chocked voice, closed my eyes and gulped.

"Her name was Bella something. I can't remember her last name. I think it was Bella Newman. But I can tell you she was at least a 36 c."

I felt the end of the bed dip down and I opened my eyes to see Tyler sitting at the foot of the bed and raising his left eyebrow in suggestion at his last remark.

"What was I doing in her house?"

"She found you passed out in the park. So she brought you to her house, called me to come get you and I did," he said casually.

"That's it?"

"Yeah," he continued in the same casual manner.

"Did I…" I couldn't even say it out loud. How could I ask my best friend if I slept with some woman whom I couldn't even remember?

"Did you what?"

"Did I….

"Did I doanythingwithher?" And God I hoped he understood gibberish because I wasn't about to say these words again.

"I didn't quite catch that, man. What did you say?" both his eyebrows were lifted now.

"Did I…Did we…I mean I haven't…" my mortification at the answer to my question overcame my linguistic abilities at the moment. Desperation seeped into my tone as I questioned him about my faithfulness to my wife.

"Are you asking if you guys had sex?" was Tyler's blunt reply.

"Yeah," I whispered and covered my face with my hands.

I was by no means a prude. I had a healthy sexual relationship with Tanya. But I wasn't one of the guys who liked to brag about their sexual life even when Tanya when she was alive. I always thought that having sex with someone was almost like baring your soul to them and I wasn't about to tell my best friend about my sexual life.

"No. Unless she fooled around with you when you were out cold on her kitchen island," he snickered.

I released a breath I didn't even notice that I was holding.

"I think she likes her men awake and responsive. God, what I wouldn't do to test that theory with her."

"Shut up and get the fuck off my bed." _Tanya doesn't like strangers in her bedroom. _I completed the sentence in my head.

My stomach growled then I remembered that I hadn't eaten since I had that awful burger at the bar. I made my way to the kitchen with Tyler behind me.

I looked for the peanut butter jar, the jelly and some bread. I made an internal inventory of what I had in my kitchen and found only jelly, peanut butter and bread.

God, I needed to go grocery shopping soon.

Then I remembered that I wouldn't be able to go anywhere near the street where Tanya laid in a pool of her own blood.

On a second thought, I will just ask Tyler or one of the guys in the body shop to do it for me.

Except that I was fired from there because I didn't show up for an entire three weeks because I was busy drinking and visiting my wife's grave almost everyday.

"What the hell are you eating?"

Tyler was pointing at the peanut butter sandwich with pickles on top.

"I thought you stopped eating that shit when we graduated high school."

I threw him a dirty look and continued to devour my sandwich. I could never stop eating my peanut butter pickles sandwiches. It was one of the few things I remember about my mum. I remembered when she made these sandwiches and ate them in front of the TV on Sundays. After I was moved to a foster house, I stopped eating peanut butter altogether. Its texture on my mouth reminded me so much of my mother. It wasn't until I broke down one night when I was 13 in front of my foster mother, Siobhan. She noticed how I avoided eating peanut butter at any cost and grilled me about it until I broke down on her kitchen floor and told her anecdotes about my mum's eating habits.

Damn, I really missed her. After her husband and my foster dad, Liam, had a stroke 5 years ago and passed away, she began to lose focus and forget things. It started with simple things like forgetting where she put her car keys an hour ago and such until one day she crashed her car in to the garage door because she forgot how to drive. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer and was put into a nursing home that specializes in her disease. I used to visit her every Sunday with Tanya, but hadn't done so for at least 2 months. The last time I went there was a couple of weeks after Tanya's funeral and I spent the entire time crying in her lap as her wrinkly hands wiped my tears.

Back to the present, I made myself another sandwich while Tyler's head went into my fridge like he was exploring a cave.

"You have a pot roast in your fridge by the way," Tyler announced with his head embedded in the fridge.

"Where did it come from?"

"The brunette next door brought it over two days ago."

"You mean Kebi?"

"I guess."

"Is it good to eat?"

"Even if it isn't, I am not wasting it."

That being said, Tyler popped the pot roast inside the microwave and stood in front of me.

"Is there something you want?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What would have happened if you fooled around with that Bella chick?"

"What?"

"What would have been the problem if you slept with that girl or any other girl for that matter? You are single, Edward. I think you should get laid soon, man. You have been comatose for the last three months and you need to snap out of it soon."

Anger surged through me at the moment.

"First of all, I am not single. I am a widower. Second of all, I have been 'comatose' as you have put it because my wife died, you idiot. Not only did she die, but the fucker who killed her only got served with four years in jail with a chance of parole because he had enough money to hire the biggest lawyer in town. Now you know why I have been 'comatose'?" I spat at him.

I could feel the veins in my head throbbing and a very familiar weight settled on my chest.

"Alright, I am sorry man, but I just can't see you like that and not do anything about it. I know you have lost your wife and baby but you can't lose your life too. I mean you have already lost your job and the money you got from your foster dad is not gonna reproduce in your bank account. You need to move on, man"

He did make sense. But every time I tried to let go, I remembered that Tanya's death was for nothing. I was mad at that fucker Aro, his son, their hot shot lawyer and basically the whole world.

"That's okay, man. I am just tired and hung over. I didn't mean to lash out on you, but I just need more time."

I rubbed my eyes and stared at the microwave timer as if it was a time machine that could take me back in time to stop Tanya from ever going out that fateful day.

"And I am sorry if I sounded insensitive. I loved Tan but she is gone and you are still here. Anyway I won't bother you with this again but you have to promise that if you ever pass out in someone's house, let it be that Bella chick," he commented and the mood was instantly lifted.

"What is it about that woman that has got you so wound up over her?" I laughed lightly.

"Oh, man. You haven't seen those curves and face. She has these luscious lips. It was so difficult to just stand there talking to her without staring at her lips. And that long brown hair. Damn I wonder what it feels like when her husband wraps his hand around it when he is…"

"Alrigh alright. I get it. She is hot."

I turned to the microwave to get the pot roast.

"So the husband was around when you picked me up?"

"No, she was alone with her dog."

Suddenly flashes of a brunette with a German shepherd attacked my mind.

I made Tyler a plate with a decent portion of roast and another for myself and headed out of the kitchen. We sat on the couch and prepared to devour Kebi's famous homemade pot roast when I felt the itch to inquire about that woman.

"Tyler?"

"Muhmm," he replied with a mouth full of food.

"Does this Bella have brown eyes?"

"Yeah."

"Is she kinda short and small?"

"Yep."

I continued to fill my empty stomach but my mind was somewhere else, trying to remember last night and the mystery brunette, Bella.

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><p><strong>Leave me a review, pretty please :)<strong>

**You can find me on Twitter Mira19ish :)**

**Until next time** **!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. SM has got it all, except that A+ that I got on my Sociolinguistics exam last semester :D She doesn't have that !**

**A/N: I could apologize all night long about my lousy posting schedule but it still wouldn't be enough. I finally resigned myself to the fact that I won't be one of those writers who update frequently but Iw ill try anyway. But I promise I had a really good excuse. My lovely beta Nim's house was caught in a storm two months ago. She is okay and sent an email taht it would take a while for her computer to be up and running but then we lost all contact with her :( I hope she is alright. Send her love everyone xo.  
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**On the other hand, I have a new beta, who is just as awesome as Nim. So say hi to EmmaLee Rose :)  
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**Thanks to my pre-reader Impressed for her kickass work on this chapter :)  
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><p>"Grief is the price we pay for love"<p>

Elizabeth II quotes

EPov:

I checked my watch for the fifth time in less than fifteen minutes and bowed my head to rest on my knees.

I guess I wasn't a very patient person, just like Siobhan always said.

I internally smiled at the memory of my last meeting with my foster mother.

_It was the day after Tyler was at my apartment. I had already made up my mind to go visit my foster mother_. _ There was an internal war waging inside of me. I was having a hard time forgetting Tanya. It turned out that I didn't have to forget my wife to move on with my life, or that's what my mom said._

_I had woken up the following day, miraculously, sober. I just couldn't go see my mother when I was shitfaced. I drove to the home where she was staying. After a ten minute talk with her doctor about her development, I was left with an unsettling feeling. He said she hadn't improved at. If anything, her case got worse._

What did you expect, idiot? Have you ever heard of an Alzheimer patient who woke up the next day and Ta-da! They were cured all of a sudden!

_After thanking the doctor, I went into my mother's room to find her sitting peacefully in a chair._ _Her light blonde hair with streaks of white, shone in the sunlight escaping the glassy confines of her window_._ Her face was contorted into a concentrated expression, her eye brows furrowed. She always wore that expression when she was having a hard time finding something. Many a times I had seen that face when she was looking for the spatula she never seemed to find in the kitchen drawers. That looked was repeated very often since her diagnosis four years ago. She would be conversing with someone and suddenly she would furrow her brows like that and ask about stuff she forgot. _

_I could never forget the day when she had first forgotten who I was. I came over with Tanya to introduce her to mom. She freaked out because "there were two strangers in her room". I was crushed. My mother had forgotten who I was. I spent the rest of the day on Tanya's couch, with my head in her lap, while she rubbed soothing circles on my back._

_I grabbed a chair, placed it next to hers and took a seat._

"_Mom," I reached out to touch her hand._

"_Edward, my boy," she turned to me with her kind, grey eyes and leaned forward for a hug._

"_How are you, mom? I am so sorry I haven't visited you for so long."_

"_Oh honey, two weeks isn't a long period of time. I understand if you have been busy," she retorted in a calming tone._

"_It has been two months since I last visited you, mom. Not two weeks."_

"_Ohh. Guess time really flies by, right?"_

"_Yeah," I deadpanned since I was certainly not feeling that. Time felt really heavy since my wife died. No, it felt heavy since that day two months ago when I accidently came across a calendar and realized that day was Tanya's due date. Ever since, the passage of time, for me, resembled the painstaking process of lying down and having a stone placed on your chest. Every morning I would wake up, mostly drunk, and feel around for Tanya for a minute thinking she was there. For that one minute, the stone was removed. Unfortunately, that stone was replaced by an even heavier one._

_I felt my mother's finger tips hovering over my cheeks, interrupting my somber thoughts._

"_Are you alright, my boy?" her eyes narrowed in anxiety._

"_No, not really, mom," I gulped, trying to force down the bile which gathered in my throat._

"_Did something happen in school, dear?"_

_I chuckled._

"_I am not in school anymore, mom"_

"_When did you graduate? And why didn't you tell me to come and see you receive your diploma?" she was getting angry and I knew that her anger stemmed only from her frustration at not remembering._

"_Mom, calm down. I graduated from High school eight years ago and you came, with dad, to the graduation ceremony. You took pictures and then you caught me with my date fooling around under the bleachers, remember?" I held both her hands in mine as I tried to lure the memory from that locked portion of her brain._

"_Yes. She had a very short dress on, which you liked very much, young man."_

_I laughed softly at her astounding ability to recall certain things at times but managing to forget other, more important stuff._

"_What was her name?"_

"_Heidi."_

"_Oh, I thought her name was Tanya," she scrubbed her face with obvious confusion._

"_No, mom. Tanya was my wife, not my high school girlfriend."_

_My hands found purchase at my hair locks. I didn't want to start a conversation with my forgetful mother about my deceased wife but I did want to talk about her at the same time. _

"_Have I met her?"_

"_Of course you have, mom. She came here with me three months ago."_

"_Oh. Well why didn't she come with you today?" she asked with genuine curiosity._

"_She died in a car accident, mum. I came here after she died and you held me." Tears were starting to form in my eyes and my voice was choking._

"_My dear boy!" she flung her waning arms around my neck and hugged me as I struggled to rein in my tears. I felt her whimper against my shoulder as she rubbed my back like she used to when I had nightmares after I first came to live with her and dad._

"_Oh baby. I am so sorry for you. You must be in great pain right now."_

_That being said, I cried. However, this was different. This was my mother whose arms I was crying in. When I was a kid, I was always embarrassed at the thought of crying in front of people. After my parents died, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried my heart out. When I went to live with my foster parents, I would do the same. It wasn't until Tanya died, that I cried like a baby publicly and with no shame. I was grieving for my wife and child. I knew no other way to express that grief except to bawl my eyes out. However, all the tears I had shed in the last three months felt different. Crying in my mother's kind arms felt like I was grieving for real this time. All my emotions seeped out of my pores while I clung to my mother like a drowning man in a wild river. _

"_I miss her so much," I managed to tell her between my cries._

"_Of course you do, my boy. She was your wife," she reiterated, while scattering small kisses on the top of my head._

"_What am I supposed to do, mom? I can't live without her." I finally relinquished my hold over her waist and brought my face up rather than its former position between the crook of her neck and her shoulder._

"_Of course you can, sweetheart. It is hard, but you can do it."_

"_I just can't forget about her. She is everywhere in our apartment, in my car, in all of Chicago and most importantly, in me." By then my cries of anguish were reduced to pitiful whimpers and streaks of tears left on my cheeks._

"_No one said you had to forget, Edward. If you ever loved her, then you could never forget about her. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting about those you once loved. It just means that you have chosen to live after they were gone."_

_I had never thought of it that way. Moving on was always associated with forgetting in my mind. I had chosen to erase most of my parents' memories in order to survive their death, only a few of them stuck with me till today. Therefore, the concept of moving on sans leaving behind all memories of a certain something was a foreign concept to me._

"_How do I do that?"_

"_Well baby, think about what Tanya would have wanted you to do after she was gone. Would she have wanted you to be tortured like that or would she have wanted you to start living again?"_

_I knew what Tanya would have wanted, even though we had never discussed the issue of life or death together. I had avoided all talk about my dead parents at all costs and so had she, since hers died in a house fire when she was only a child. In retrospect, I think our similar backgrounds played a role in our connection as a couple. We were both orphans, never went to college, led a very simple life, and we had a lot in common. We were very alike. _

_And I knew Tanya wasn't selfish. I knew she would want me to be whole again. Too bad I didn't have the manual to do that._

_We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about my dad. She could only remember snippets of him and I filled the blanks for her whenever I could. It was easy to see how much she loved him, even when she couldn't completely remember him. _

I went home that day with a little bit of rejuvenation in me. Unfortunately, that feeling was short lived. I lay in our bed that night, thrashing around, because of the recurring nightmare of Tanya being hit by that car. It was as if she was trying to tell me not to forget about her.

But I was determined to try to move on. I sobered up the next day, cleaned the place, ate something, and tried very hard not to drain the beer in my fridge. I went out to look for a job. I was not so lucky but I wasn't dissuaded. I was a good mechanic and I was certain I would find a job somewhere soon.

Tyler came over to check on me a couple of days later and rattled on and on about his hot brunette of a neighbor. The mention of his neighbor reminded me of Bella. I needed to thank her for what she had done for me. I asked for her address and decided to pay her a thank you visit. I picked up some flowers for her and drove to her house, sitting on the porch to wait, when no one answered the door.

A while later, I heard the sounds of heels approaching. I brought my head up to see a petite woman smiling at me. Then it hit me as she came closer; Tyler wasn't lying or exaggerating.

She really was beautiful.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading. <strong>

**Reviews are better than a really delicious midnight snack in a hot summer night :)  
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**You can reach me on twitter Mira19ish and I finally have a tumblr ! It is all Rob pics and stuff. The link is on my profile.  
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**I have some fic recommendations this time:  
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**Inside man by Ooza. I am pretty sure everyone knows this fic but I feel like pimping it everywhere !  
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**Under these lights by Jaxington. It is missing a couple of chapters but everyone should read it. And after you finish it start Hallet Hall. Best Badassella ever !  
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	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: I own nothing.**

**Thanks to my beta EmmaLee rose and pre-reader Impressed :)  
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><p>~Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives. ~William Throsby Bridges.<p>

Epov:

"Bella?" I half asked, still needing confirmation that she was indeed Bella.

"Hey, Edward." The corners of her lips were drawn into a smile and surprisingly enough the smile seemed to be genuine.

For a second, I stammered, mentally cursing at the world that didn't provide a manual to deal with the woman who took you home when you were drunk.

"So how are you doing now? I hope you are okay." She was the first to break the silence.

"I 'm fine." The response had almost become like second nature to me these past months.

"I came here to thank you for what you did for me the other day," I said as I bent down to retrieve the bouquet of flowers I got her on my way there.

Siobhan would be so proud of me, if she could see me now!

"Aww, thank you. You didn't have to," she said softly. I could clearly see a pink color starting to tint her cheeks as her teeth embedded in her lower lip. She held the bouquet like it was her most treasured possession in the world. It didn't seem to matter to her that she was carrying what seemed to a million shopping bags and that they were about to spill their contents right here.

"Would you like to go inside? Have a drink, maybe?" Her face flushed more.

"I don't want to impose or trouble you. You must have tons of things to do," I told her while my hand busied itself running through my hair.

"You were no trouble a couple of days ago and you are certainly no trouble now."

"Well at least let me help you with your bags,"

"Thanks. That's very thoughtful of you."

That being said, I moved towards her to carry some of those bags for her. Her hand touched mine for a fraction of a second and I couldn't help but notice how soft and feminine her hands were. It was like she spent her entire day putting on all these expensive creams and lotions I saw in TV commercials. Actually, with a house like this, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't lift a finger to do a thing. She probably had a housekeeper or something. One more thing that didn't escape my notice was how she blushed all the time. The woman's cheeks were constantly red. It kinda looked good on her porcelain skin.

Once we got all the bags and our hands, untangled, she fished for her key in her bag. A minute later, we were inside.

"Umm, if you could just put the bags here on the couch," she muttered, gesturing with her hand towards a black leather couch that sat in the middle of the living room.

Placing her bags on the couch, I stood, feeling slightly out of place.

"Please sit down. I will be gone only for a moment to look for a vase for the flowers."

"It is okay. Take your time," I said, easing her slightly frantic speech.

I sat down on one of the chairs. My head lowered itself till I was staring at the pattern of the carpet, wishing I could lose myself in the red vines adorning her nude colored carpet. Lost in my own reverie, I almost didn't hear Bella coming back into the room.

"I am a total idiot," I heard her say.

"I forgot to ask you what you would like to drink," as she gave a small laugh.

"Would you like some wine?"

"I don't think I should be drinking anything alcoholic."

"Ohh yeah right. Well, how about some orange juice. I squeezed some this morning. I just don't like the carton type."

_Well looks like she does some housework after all._

"Orange juice would be great. Thank you."

And she turned back to the kitchen.

Minutes later, she was back, handing me a glass of juice.

"So, how is your friend, Tyler?" she asked as she smoothed her yellow dress.

I chuckled.

_God he would love to hear that she asked about him._

"He is doing great. As a matter of fact, he would be so happy when he hears that you asked about him."

"Really? Why?" she chuckled.

I sipped on my juice as I pondered how to tell her that my best friend spent days dreaming about her breasts.

"You just made an impression on him," I smirked.

"Good impression, I hope."

"I'd say it was good."

As I tipped the glass back, I could clearly see how her eyes became transfixed on my left hand, particularly my wedding ring. She looked down when I caught her looking. Tension officially ruled the conversation, or lack thereof. It was obviousthat she wanted to ask about my wife but I suspect my tense shoulders and the manner in which my thumb rolled the ring around my finger gave her some warning.

Suddenly a shrill sound penetrated the awkward silence. It sounded like a phone ringing.

"That must be my cell phone," Bella whispered to no one in particular.

She extracted her cell phone from her bag and stared a bit at the screen.

"Umm I have to take this call. Sorry," her countenance truly expressed her sorrow at having received this call.

"It is okay," I reassured her.

Left alone, I scanned the room as an entertainment in my idleness.

Every bit of the room screamed "rich". The coffee table was made of cherry wood. The couch and the chairs were made of leather, the good kind that's smell could make you fall asleep on them. The carpet seemed so soft. There was a huge TV screen facing the couch.

I got up, still sipping on the juice and started to wander around. There was a fire place on the other end of the room. Its sight brought back a memory of Tanya. She wanted to have a fireplace just like that. It took her a while to be convinced that our decent-sized apartment could never accommodate a fireplace and that other apartments, which already contained fireplaces, were very expensive. She was petulant for a while but she relented when she discovered her new obsession with Jacuzzi bathtubs.

When I got closer to the fireplace, I could see a number of photos in frames, sitting there. There was one of a girl, about 6 or 7 standing on the beach with a woman in a hat behind her. Moving closer, anyone could tell that this was Bella. The same cheeky smile and brown hair tucked behind her ears. There was another one of her as a teenager standing in the snow. A third photo displayed an older Bella in a graduation cap and a diploma in her hand. I couldn't help but feel the tug of a smile at the visual chronicling of her life. My eyes wandered to the photo next in line.

It was obviously her wedding photo. She was wearing a sleeveless dress and a veil. I removed the frame from its spot on the fireplace and pulled it closer to my face. I got a sudden itch to see what her husband looked like. And boy I wish I hadn't done that!

The man standing next to Bella wore the same smug smile I dreamed about almost every night, the same one he sported that day in court when he showed off his Ivy League education in front of the judge and the jury. His white teeth and blue eyes shone in the photo the same way they did in the court room.

Bella was married to Michael Newton?

How could it be that this angel is married to the monster who helped my wife's murderer get away?

A million thoughts swirled in my head at the moment and I felt my breaths coming in short pants. My heart beat so loud in my chest I could almost hear it ringing in my ear.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a crashing sound. My glass of juice now lay in shards on the ground next to the bits and pieces of the wedding photo. The little bit of juice that hadn't made it to my digestive system now soiled Bella's wedding dress in the photo, as well as on Newton's face.

"Edward, what is going on?" I heard Bella call from the other room where she was still on the phone.

I panicked. My vocals weren't cooperating at the moment and it seemed like my lungs would give out any second now. I found myself opening the door to the house and running to my car. I started the engine in no time and soon I was looking at the house Bella shared with Newton for the last time.

Or so I thought.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the big AN here but I'd like to announce that I am putting this story on hiatus indefinitely. I am so sorry but I am no longer passionate about it as I was before. Writing new chapters have become a burden and that's not why I started writing. Writing should be fun and exciting. I just lost all enthusiasm for this story. I am so sorry about this. I had already made that decision before I had this chapter beta'ed but I thought it would be unfair to have a complete chapter and not post it even if I wasn't updating the story anytime soon. Maybe one day I will wake up feeling the urge to continue it but until then that's it for me.**

**So thank you for whoever favorited, reviewed or put my story on alert. You have made my day by a tiny click of your mouse. I love you all.  
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**And I would like to thank my betas and pre-readers for their hard work.  
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**Thank you all so much :)  
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